To the Moon and Back Read online

  Copyright

  Copyright © 2011 by Jill Mansell

  Cover and internal design © 2011 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

  Cover design by Dawn Pope/Sourcebooks

  Cover illustration by Lisa Mallet

  Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Published by Sourcebooks Landmark, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410

  (630) 961-3900

  FAX: (630) 961-2168

  www.sourcebooks.com

  First published in 2011 by Headline Review, an imprint of Headline Publishing Group, London.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Mansell, Jill.

  To the moon and back / by Jill Mansell.

  p. cm.

  1. Widows—Fiction. 2. Traffic accident victims—Fiction. 3. Businessmen—Fiction. 4. Triangles (Interpersonal relations)—Fiction. 5. London (England)—Fiction. I. Title.

  PR6063.A395T6 2011

  823’.914—dc22

  2011015879

  Contents

  Front Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Excerpt from Nadia Knows Best

  Back Cover

  To Cino, my other half.

  We really didn’t expect to last six months together, did we?

  And now here we are twenty-five years later. One day we should probably think about getting married…

  Chapter 1

  ‘What would you do without me?’

  Fresh from the shower, Ellie took in the alluring view from the bedroom doorway. Seriously, could anything beat the sight of a drop-dead gorgeous twenty-eight-year-old male wearing nothing but white boxers whilst clutching a steam iron in one hand and a black skirt in the other?

  And to think he’s mine, all mine. She had the marriage certificate to prove it.

  ‘OK, don’t answer that. I know what you’d do.’ Jamie bent down and unplugged the iron at the wall. ‘Go out wearing a crumpled skirt.’

  ‘Possibly.’ She fastened the lime-green bath towel securely around her chest. ‘But I don’t have to, do I? Because I have you.’ Reaching across the ironing board, she planted a kiss on the mouth she never tired of kissing.

  ‘So you’re grateful, then?’ He gave the edge of the towel a playful tug.

  ‘I am. Very grateful. Thank you, thank you to the moon and back.’

  ‘Because if you feel like repaying the favor, I can probably think of a way you could do that.’

  Regretfully Ellie tapped her watch. ‘But we don’t have time. Look at my hair. I need to get dressed and do my face… wah, no, stop it, get away from me!’ She snatched the skirt and danced out of reach before Jamie could ravish her. Tonight they were going out separately. Along with a crowd of friends from work, she was heading off to a performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show where dressing up was mandatory. Hence the black skirt, bought in a charity shop last year and cannibalized with garden shears to give it a zig-zaggy hemline for a Halloween party. It had been lying at the back of the wardrobe ever since but would be just the thing for a Rocky Horror outing, teamed with mad hair, over-the-top eyeliner, and fishnets.

  ‘Right then, which shirt should I wear?’ Jamie indicated the ones he’d ironed while she’d been in the shower. ‘Blue? Or white?’ He was off to a school reunion in Guildford.

  Ellie said, ‘How about the pink one?’ and saw his mouth do that turning-down-at-the-corners thing it did when he felt awkward.

  ‘I don’t know. Not tonight.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Just… because. I’d rather wear the blue tonight.’

  She took the fuchsia-pink shirt out of the wardrobe and gave it an enticing waggle. ‘But this is beautiful! Look at that color. Why wouldn’t you want to wear it?’

  ‘Because I don’t want to turn up and have everyone saying they didn’t know I was gay.’

  ‘Oh, come on! Just because it’s pink?’

  Jamie pulled a don’t-make-me-say-it face. ‘It’s a very gay pink.’

  OK, maybe it was, but he could carry it off. ‘I bought it for you for Christmas! You could have taken it back to the shop and exchanged it.’ Ellie shook her head in disbelief. ‘But you said you loved it!’

  ‘I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Besides,’ Jamie ventured,‘I kind of like it to look at. Just not to, you know, wear.’

  ‘The color would really suit you.’

  ‘I’ll wear it soon, I promise.’ He slid the blue shirt off the hanger and shrugged it on.

  Men, honestly, what was with them? ‘Right, that’s it, wait until next Christmas. No presents, that’ll teach you to turn your nose up at my choice of shirt. Next year you’ll get nothing at all.’

  Jamie broke into a grin. ‘Does that mean I don’t have to buy you anything either?’

  ‘You just wait. You’ll be sorry. No, get off me!’ Shrieking with laughter, Ellie found herself backed into a corner of the living room. ‘I told you, we don’t have time!’

  Jamie snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. ‘Sometimes,’ he murmured persuasively in her ear, ‘you just have to get your priorities right and make time.’

  DDDDDRRRINNNGGGGGGGG went the doorbell and Jamie clutched his heart, staggering backward as if he’d been shot. ‘No, no, not fair…’

  ‘Oh, what a shame. Just as I was about to change my mind too.’ Skipping past him, Ellie went to the window and peered down to the pavement below.

  Todd waved up at her. She waved back.

  ‘And to think he used to be my friend.’ Jamie flung open the window and yelled, �
��You’re early.’

  ‘I know.’ Todd spread his arms wide, evidently pleased with himself. ‘That’s because you told me not to be late.’

  Jamie rolled his eyes. ‘The first time in twenty years he’s been early for anything.’ Raising his voice he called down, ‘Look, we’re kind of busy just now. How about doing us a big favor and just going for a ten-minute jog around the block?’

  ‘Get lost!’

  ‘Or that’s something else you could do.’

  ‘Not a chance. Stop buggering about and open the door.’ Energetically stamping his feet and rubbing his hands together, Todd called up, ‘It’s arctic out here. I’m freezing my nuts off.’

  ***

  ‘Look at you,’ Todd marveled, greeting Ellie with a kiss when she finally teetered out of the bedroom, dressed and ready to go. ‘Understated. I like it. Off to church?’

  ‘Ha ha.’ She loved Todd, which was just as well, seeing as he was Jamie’s best friend. For almost twenty years the two boys had been inseparable. Their personalities complemented each other and their shared sense of humor enabled them to bounce jokes off each other so effortlessly that they never tired of it. Jamie and Todd were known as the double act and Ellie lived in fear of Todd meeting and settling down with a girl she didn’t like, because what could be worse than that? How would they cope? It had the potential to spoil everything and she couldn’t bear the thought of that happening. All they could do was cross their fingers and pray he’d choose someone great.

  ‘Right, are we ready?’ Jamie was driving tonight; rattling his keys, he ushered them toward the door. ‘Let’s go. Where are we dropping you?’

  Ellie gave her back-combed hair one last wild blast of glitter spray for luck. ‘Just at the tube station. Everyone’s meeting at the Frog and Bucket.’

  ‘You’re not going on the tube on your own dressed like that.’ He pinched her bottom as she headed past him down the stairs. ‘We’ll give you a lift to the pub.’

  ‘Pleurgh.’ Todd smacked his lips together in dismay. ‘I’ve got hair spray in my mouth.’

  ‘Open wide.’ Peering in, Ellie said, ‘Whoops, there’s glitter in there too.’

  Jamie grinned. ‘That’s so when he meets up with the girls he used to fancy at school, he’ll be able to make sparkling conversation.’

  Ellie brushed a speck of glitter from Todd’s cheek. ‘God help those poor girls.’

  ***

  By the time Ellie arrived back at their Hammersmith flat it was almost one o’clock. You knew you’d had a good old Rocky Horror night when your throat was sore from singing and the soles of your feet were on fire. Throughout the show they’d jumped up and joined in with the dancing, bellowing out the words to the songs everyone knew by heart. Then afterwards, on their way back to the Frog and Bucket for last orders, they’d carried on doing the Time Warp all the way down the road.

  ‘That’s ten pounds fifty, love.’

  She paid the taxi driver, clambered out of the cab, and looked around to see if Jamie was home yet. No sign of the car, but he might have had to park around the corner. And the windows were in darkness, but that could mean he was crashed out in bed.

  Letting herself into the flat, Ellie felt the stillness and knew she was the first one home. OK, that was fine, she was still buzzing with adrenaline. If Jamie came back soon she might seduce him, make up for what they’d missed out on earlier thanks to Todd’s untimely arrival. Toddus Interruptus, ha. Their very own living, breathing contraceptive. She smiled to herself and switched on the light in the living room. She’d make a toasted sandwich and put on a DVD. Oh, the light was flashing on the phone. Reaching over, she pressed the button and listened to the message from someone whose voice she didn’t recognize but whose name she’d heard before.

  ‘Hey, Jamie, what’s going onnnn? It’s Rodders here, man. What happened to you and Todd, eh? You said you’d be here. Give us a bell, mate. You missed a cracking night.’

  The call ended. That was it. Rodders was Rod Johnson, who had taken it upon himself to organize tonight’s school reunion in Guildford. And he had made the call an hour ago, which made no sense at all unless Jamie and Todd had arrived at the event early, peered through a window, decided it looked like rubbish, and beaten a stealthy retreat before they were spotted.

  Because what other explanation could there possibly be for their not turning up?

  The only sound in the room, the ticking of the clock Jamie’s grandmother had given them on their wedding day, seemed louder now. Ellie fumbled in her bag for her phone, switched off since they’d entered the theatre five hours ago.

  Seven missed calls. One message. Her heart juddering against her ribs, Ellie experienced split-screen consciousness. One half of her brain was telling her that this couldn’t be happening, there’d been some mistake, everything was going to be fine and any minute now Jamie would be home.

  Yet somehow, simultaneously, the other half of her brain was listening to a calm female voice relaying the message that Jamie Kendall had been involved in a traffic accident and could she please call this number as soon as possible…

  And now the ground was tipping and another voice, a male one this time, was advising her to make her way to the Royal Surrey County Hospital in Guildford. Jamie was currently in a critical condition, the voice on the phone explained—No, no, no, he can’t be, screamed the other voice in her head—and he was in the process of being transferred from casualty to the intensive care unit.

  Chapter 2

  Bip. Bip. Bip. Bip. Bip.

  The sound of the heart monitor filled Ellie’s ears. As long as it kept on doing it, everything would be all right. With every fiber of her being, she willed the bipping not to stop.

  It was four o’clock in the morning but the intensive care unit was flooded with blue-white light. Most of the nursing staff was busy working on an elderly patient at the other end of the ward, calling out instructions and rattling machines across the floor. Ellie shut out the noise they were making. She had to concentrate all her attention on the bips. And on Jamie, who was lying on the bed looking like a life-sized waxwork model of himself.

  How can this be happening? How can it?

  The left side of Jamie’s head was swollen and purplish-blue. He was unresponsive, in a deep coma. His skin was warm but when she held his hand he didn’t curl his fingers around hers. Saying his name provoked no reaction. Even when the doctor had rubbed his knuckles hard against Jamie’s sternum, he hadn’t reacted to the painful stimulus.

  For God’s sake, he wasn’t even able to breathe on his own. A ventilator was doing the job for him. Plastic tubes were running into his body. Every function was electronically monitored. It looked like something out of a film but with ultra-realistic special effects. Except it was real. Already gripped with terror, Ellie jumped a mile when a hand came to rest on her shoulder.

  ‘Sorry,’ said the nurse. ‘But could we ask you to leave for a short time?’

  ‘Can’t I stay? I want to stay.’

  ‘I know, dear.’ The no-nonsense nurse shook her head, indicating the increased activity around the bed at the other end of the ward. ‘Just for a while, though. Go and have a cup of tea, and we’ll call you back as soon as we can.’

  She wasn’t asking, she was telling her to leave. On wobbly legs, Ellie made her way out just as the doors crashed open and three white-coated doctors burst into the unit.

  Time to phone Jamie’s dad. Oh God, how was she going to tell him about this? But she had to.

  Please, just make it stop.

  Outside, the sub-zero temperatures gripped her and her teeth began to rattle. The ground was slick with frost, the puddles were frozen. How had Jamie felt as the car had begun to skid on the ice? What thoughts had flashed through his mind when he knew he’d lost control? She couldn’t bear to think about it but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Horrific images replayed themselves over and over in her mind. If only there was a button she could press to switch them off. Had
he cried out as the car had hit the crash barrier? When he woke up would he remember every detail or would his memory of the accident be blanked out?

  OK, just do it, call Tony in LA and tell him what had happened. Would he be able to come over or would he have filming commitments he couldn’t get out of?

  Ellie’s hands shook as she found the number on her phone. The time difference between LA and London was eight hours, so it was eight thirty in the evening there. How should she say it when he answered the phone? Which were the best words to choose? Right, just press Call. Do it. The sooner it was done, the sooner she could get back to Jamie.

  Moments later she heard his familiar voice at the other end of the line. Do it now.

  ‘Tony?’ Aware that she was about to break his heart, her voice cracked with grief. ‘Oh, Tony, I’m so sorry. There’s been an accident…’

  The nurse came out to find her in the relatives’ room fifteen minutes later. Making her way back into the intensive care unit where calm had been restored, Ellie saw the curtains drawn around the bed of the elderly man at the far end of the ward who’d been the center of attention earlier.

  ‘All sorted now, is he?’

  The nurse said gently, ‘We lost him, I’m afraid.’

  Lost him?

  Did she mean the man was actually behind the curtains, dead ?

  Oh no, that only happened on TV, at a safe distance. Not here, right in front of her, in real life.

  ‘Sit down, dear.’ The nurse deftly steered her on to the chair beside Jamie’s bed. ‘Take deep breaths and I’ll get you a glass of water. You have to be strong now.’

  Strong? Ellie swallowed; she felt about as strong as a newborn kitten. Jamie was here on a ward where people died and every minute was more terrifying than the last. And she was wearing a Rocky Horror outfit that couldn’t be more inappropriate if it tried, but going home and changing into normal clothes was out of the question because she couldn’t leave Jamie…

  Oh, Jamie, wake up, please just open your eyes and tell me everything’s going to be all right.

  The dead man was placed in a covered metal trolley on wheels and removed from the unit by two porters. Two new patients arrived, a skeletal, yellow-tinged woman and a teenage boy. Relatives sobbed around their beds and looked strangely at Ellie in her jagged short skirt and fishnets. When none of the nurses had been looking she had kissed Jamie’s face but it hadn’t felt remotely like his face and now he had bits of giveaway glitter on his forehead and cheek.